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Post Info TOPIC: Valentine's Day Poetry Contest




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Valentine's Day Poetry Contest


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Since My Valentine Got A Computer


Since my Valentine got a computer
My love life has taken a hit.
Nothing I say is important
Unless its a byte or a bit.

Before she got her new laptop,
Everything was just fine;
Now she says we cant talk
Unless we both go online.

"But honey," I said, "Im attached to you;
Love is what I feel."
"That keyword isnt relevant,"
She said, with eyes of steel.

She clicked the keyboard furiously;
The screen was all she could see,
And then to my horror and shame,
She started describing me:

"Your motherboard needs upgrading;
Your OS needs help, too.
And you definitely need a big heatsink
To cool your CPU."

"Dont flame me, my sweet," I pleaded.
"Not on Valentines Day."
"Fix the bugs, and Ill see," she said,
While looking at me with dismay.

"What ever you want, my darling;
Whatever you need; you call it.
Ill upload or download anything,
And then Ill go install it."

(Her hostile CD keeps replaying,
And though I dont want to fight her,
Is this what I want for a Valentine?
Ive been burned; can I rewrite her?)

"Are you all hard drive now," I asked
"Is there no software in you?
Dont you remember the good times?
Let our memories see us through."

"LOL," she said to me, chuckling.
"Youre nothing but adware.
"Ive got four gigs of memory;
Ive got no problem there."

"Please, honey, we can save it," I said.
"Our love means more than that."
"Thats not in my cache; were going to crash,"
She said, as she turned me down flat.

(This woman has really changed;
Do I really want to chase her?
More and more Im thinking
It might be nice to erase her.)

"Aw, honey, dont talk like that," I said.
"Cant we just plug and play?
I hereby accept default,
And Im yours, my love, come what may.

My goal is to make you happy;
I want to be your portal,
But your sudden, distant coldness
Would test the strongest mortal.

If we need a brand new interface,
So we can FTP,
Im your go along, get along guy,
And I want you to stay with me."

"If you want to get into my favorites," she said,
And you want to get past my encryption,
If you want to get through my firewall,
Here is my only prescription."

"First, put up your own Web site,
And e-mail me when its done.
Ill check your page rank with Google,
And tell you if youre the one."

My life has become a real trial,
Since my Valentine got a computer.
If I want her to care about me again,
I guess Ill have to reboot her.


By Joanna Fuchs


We have some hilarious people on this site....so I wanna know if anyone wants to go up against that with a funny, sad, romantic or pathetic attempt at your own Valentine's Day poem for the rest of the Hollow to judge? Come on, you know YOU DO!


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That was brilliant! I was chuckling away to myself while reading that.
 
Believe me, you wouldn't want me to write a poem. disbelief I can't even rhyme 2 lines! biggrin

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LOL! smile.gif

I'm gonna close all windows (of my room) and shutdown. smile.gif

Marcel.


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There's probably someone you'd like give this to.

Your armpits smell
Your back is hairy
When I see you
You look quite scary.
Please do NOT be my Valentine.

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I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But dont take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, Im good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming
Thats why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe go to hell.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.



lol. These were published in a local newspaper poem contest. I've wanted to say those to a few of my ex's....

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LMAO!! That's great Latte, thanks for the chuckle.

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LOL! smile.gif

We want more! How about opening a separate forum for those who want to write some poetry? Or do we already have that forum? Or is Latte the only one who writes them? smile.gif

Marcel.


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Thanks, but I didn't write them, as noted at the bottom of each post. Now where are yours?

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Hobbit Hollow Games





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Well, I think I'll finish creating some puzzles first. When I've time left, maybe I'll write a poem... smile.gif

Marcel.


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  • You told me that you loved me
    That you were Mr Right
    But you were sneakin round with my sister
    You weren't at the chicken fights !!

    You all never saw me
    Didn't know that I was there
    and I sat and plotted my revenge
    With your shampoo and some Nair..

    I put dog food in your lunch box
    Instend of potted meat
    You even said it was the best
    Sandwich you had ever eat.

    I talked you into putting dye
    on your mysterious thinng head
    I mixed red, and blonde on your black hair
    It turned a really weird shade of...Red??

    I washed all your Wranger Jeans
    Over and over in the hottest water
    and now they won't even fit
    Your 7 year old daughter

    You said if it weren't for bad luck
    You would have no luck at all
    I smiled and said that things could change
    while fiiling my nails down in to claws...

    I pawned all your guns and your Case knifes
    and gave away your John Deere Hats
    I laughed and laughed the whole time
    In your truck I put a rat

    But it won't matter very long
    Cause there's sugar in your gas tank
    and honey, you won't be going no where
    When it flows into the crank

    So Happy Valentine's Day, Baby
    and as you can proably tell
    I put pee pee in your hair gel
    and you can go to hell. heart2



    Granted not my best work, but I hoped it made ya laugh, and I actually HAVE done one or two of those things....Not tellin which ones. DB   smoking



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Lol Db. You're BAD!!! devilish.gif

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Riding Thru On My Big Wheel


*peddle, peddle* Scrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeach! LMAO! DB, you are hilarious! lol....please tell us which ones! It just makes us love you more...*peddles away while writing repeat note to self: Do NOT PISS DB OFF!*

Hmmm, meanwhile...if she doesn't tell us....we could all start guessing....let's see here....I'm thinking it might be hard to aim properly in order to get the pee pee in a tube of hair gel.....hmmm.....Must think harder....



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RE: Valentine's Day Poetry Contest


This thread is hysterical!  Am enjoying very much!  DB...  loved your poem!  Had me rolling on the floor! 

Ljot -- it's your turn, Rob.  I know what a talented poet you are!  You can give us more than 5 lines (smile).

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This is the one I give Hubby every Valentines Day.


More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That's how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That's how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That's how you're loved by me.

Ogden Nash

Yeah yeah but I think it is funny

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Lattegato wrote:

Hmmm, meanwhile...if she doesn't tell us....we could all start guessing....let's see here....I'm thinking it might be hard to aim properly in order to get the pee pee in a tube of hair gel.....hmmm.....Must think harder....




In my country, they mostly sell hair gel in pots, rarely in tubes. So it's not that hard to aim!  smile.gif

I think/guess she wrote the paragraph about "Wrangler jeans" herself (since that one uses a different rhyme scheme).

Marcel.



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Marcel,
Nope, not the Wrangler Jeans...But I did put Nair ( a hair removal product ) In a guys shampoo.

The other ones you'll have to guess, but you all should know by now, I could never touch a mouse or rat. I have a phobia starring Rodents,


Glad I made you smile, come on Rob!! Give us another one !!!   girly

Gable, I liked that poem you give your hubby too.

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Well, because you guys asked so nicely.

When I think back of how we met,
I can't believe I lost the bet.
I did not know the stakes were high.
I only saw my cash fly by.

It was a joke or so I thought
I had high hopes, they were for naught.
I knew my luck was sure to change,
So ante up, I was deranged.

Well, out of cash they placed their bet
I heard your name, I thought in jest.
But I should know my friends don't lie.
They called you Cindy, with one eye.

Where should we go on our first date?
It smelled like you were cutting bait.
Where should we go, I let you choose.
I had nothing more to lose.

You chose a club to boogie down.
I thought it strange you wore a gown.
And so we danced, I felt your limp.
I did not know you were a gimp.

So I looked down, your gown was green.
And both your feet were size 15.
I tried to help you with your coat.
Your voice was like a Billy Goat.

When I look back throughout the years
My eyes fill up with great big tears.
What could have been, I cannot say.
I took a card, I should have stayed.

I had 18, I wanted more,
Please just a 3, I drew a 4.
I shouldn't have bet,cuz with my luck
At playing cards, I really suck.


Have a Happy Valentines Day all.



-- Edited by ljot at 10:41, 2009-02-03

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LOL LoL Very Good Ijot!!! LMAO

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I'm telling your wife!!!!

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Great job, Rob!  (*clapping*)  What a hoot!  Too funny.  Thanks for sharing!

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ROFLMBO! Those were great guys.

DB - sugar in the gas tank? lol

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