Since my Valentine got a computer My love life has taken a hit. Nothing I say is important Unless its a byte or a bit.
Before she got her new laptop, Everything was just fine; Now she says we cant talk Unless we both go online.
"But honey," I said, "Im attached to you; Love is what I feel." "That keyword isnt relevant," She said, with eyes of steel.
She clicked the keyboard furiously; The screen was all she could see, And then to my horror and shame, She started describing me:
"Your motherboard needs upgrading; Your OS needs help, too. And you definitely need a big heatsink To cool your CPU."
"Dont flame me, my sweet," I pleaded. "Not on Valentines Day." "Fix the bugs, and Ill see," she said, While looking at me with dismay.
"What ever you want, my darling; Whatever you need; you call it. Ill upload or download anything, And then Ill go install it."
(Her hostile CD keeps replaying, And though I dont want to fight her, Is this what I want for a Valentine? Ive been burned; can I rewrite her?)
"Are you all hard drive now," I asked "Is there no software in you? Dont you remember the good times? Let our memories see us through."
"LOL," she said to me, chuckling. "Youre nothing but adware. "Ive got four gigs of memory; Ive got no problem there."
"Please, honey, we can save it," I said. "Our love means more than that." "Thats not in my cache; were going to crash," She said, as she turned me down flat.
(This woman has really changed; Do I really want to chase her? More and more Im thinking It might be nice to erase her.)
"Aw, honey, dont talk like that," I said. "Cant we just plug and play? I hereby accept default, And Im yours, my love, come what may.
My goal is to make you happy; I want to be your portal, But your sudden, distant coldness Would test the strongest mortal.
If we need a brand new interface, So we can FTP, Im your go along, get along guy, And I want you to stay with me."
"If you want to get into my favorites," she said, And you want to get past my encryption, If you want to get through my firewall, Here is my only prescription."
"First, put up your own Web site, And e-mail me when its done. Ill check your page rank with Google, And tell you if youre the one."
My life has become a real trial, Since my Valentine got a computer. If I want her to care about me again, I guess Ill have to reboot her.
By Joanna Fuchs
We have some hilarious people on this site....so I wanna know if anyone wants to go up against that with a funny, sad, romantic or pathetic attempt at your own Valentine's Day poem for the rest of the Hollow to judge? Come on, you know YOU DO!
We want more! How about opening a separate forum for those who want to write some poetry? Or do we already have that forum? Or is Latte the only one who writes them?
You told me that you loved me That you were Mr Right But you were sneakin round with my sister You weren't at the chicken fights !!
You all never saw me Didn't know that I was there and I sat and plotted my revenge With your shampoo and some Nair..
I put dog food in your lunch box Instend of potted meat You even said it was the best Sandwich you had ever eat.
I talked you into putting dye on your mysterious thinng head I mixed red, and blonde on your black hair It turned a really weird shade of...Red??
I washed all your Wranger Jeans Over and over in the hottest water and now they won't even fit Your 7 year old daughter
You said if it weren't for bad luck You would have no luck at all I smiled and said that things could change while fiiling my nails down in to claws...
I pawned all your guns and your Case knifes and gave away your John Deere Hats I laughed and laughed the whole time In your truck I put a rat
But it won't matter very long Cause there's sugar in your gas tank and honey, you won't be going no where When it flows into the crank
So Happy Valentine's Day, Baby and as you can proably tell I put pee pee in your hair gel and you can go to hell.
Granted not my best work, but I hoped it made ya laugh, and I actually HAVE done one or two of those things....Not tellin which ones. DB
*peddle, peddle* Scrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeach! LMAO! DB, you are hilarious! lol....please tell us which ones! It just makes us love you more...*peddles away while writing repeat note to self: Do NOT PISS DB OFF!*
Hmmm, meanwhile...if she doesn't tell us....we could all start guessing....let's see here....I'm thinking it might be hard to aim properly in order to get the pee pee in a tube of hair gel.....hmmm.....Must think harder....
Hmmm, meanwhile...if she doesn't tell us....we could all start guessing....let's see here....I'm thinking it might be hard to aim properly in order to get the pee pee in a tube of hair gel.....hmmm.....Must think harder....
In my country, they mostly sell hair gel in pots, rarely in tubes. So it's not that hard to aim!
I think/guess she wrote the paragraph about "Wrangler jeans" herself (since that one uses a different rhyme scheme).
When I think back of how we met, I can't believe I lost the bet. I did not know the stakes were high. I only saw my cash fly by.
It was a joke or so I thought I had high hopes, they were for naught. I knew my luck was sure to change, So ante up, I was deranged.
Well, out of cash they placed their bet I heard your name, I thought in jest. But I should know my friends don't lie. They called you Cindy, with one eye.
Where should we go on our first date? It smelled like you were cutting bait. Where should we go, I let you choose. I had nothing more to lose.
You chose a club to boogie down. I thought it strange you wore a gown. And so we danced, I felt your limp. I did not know you were a gimp.
So I looked down, your gown was green. And both your feet were size 15. I tried to help you with your coat. Your voice was like a Billy Goat.
When I look back throughout the years My eyes fill up with great big tears. What could have been, I cannot say. I took a card, I should have stayed.
I had 18, I wanted more, Please just a 3, I drew a 4. I shouldn't have bet,cuz with my luck At playing cards, I really suck.
I can't even rhyme 2 lines! 
